I’ll be here this weekend. You guys need to come see me. I love attention. http://www.derbycitycomiccon.com/creators.php
Once upon a time (2006) I went to a convention and tried to break into comics. I found some interest from Ape Entertainment. That was exciting. I also got shot down by various other publishers. I was use to it. I had been getting rejected since 1998.
One publisher, Topcow, gave me a biting review. “Well… you aren’t hopeless.” I was told. Meaning, I was for all intents and purposes hopeless. Trust me, he meant it that way.
When I returned home after the convention I was furious. I wasn’t happy about the interest at Ape like I should have been. I wasn’t sad, depressed or hopeless. I had a raging fire to prove him wrong. It drove me for years. Sure I wanted to draw for Marvel or DC but I really wanted Topcow so I could slay the dragon.
I still had that as a primary goal until two months ago. So why the change? I’ve been listening to hours of Joseph Campbell. He is the real life Yoda. If you are doing things for the wrong reasons you aren’t where you need to be in life. To find your bliss it has to be for you. He mentions a 70 year old man worrying about his golf score or a 40 year old making decisions based on what his mom would think.
I can’t let spite guide me to where I want to be in life. I can’t live trying to measure up all the time. The act of drawing is all that matters to me now. I’m not trying to show Topcow how wrong they were. The Heat won the NBA title tonight. LeBron James said in his post game comments, “Last year I let it affect me. I was playing to prove people wrong last year. People would say I was selfish and that got to me.”
Find your bliss. Follow it. Relax.
I am a Kobe fan so it’s weird for me to use LeBron to make a point. It’s all about the point. You have to go where you have to go.
It’s as simple as that. Get some.
Recently some things happened and I felt my hands were off the wheel. Actions that appeared to be wreckless were actually a realization I was on auto-pilot and I did not set the destination. It was, in fact, my hands taking control.
The problem is I wasn’t a great driver. Who is at first? I crashed the car a few times (figuratively!) So now what?
Once you take control THERE IS NO GOING BACK. Things can’t be like they were. It’s simply not possible. It would be like getting spankings as an adult. I equate this to a role playing game. I feel like I’ve leveled up in life. Sure things are unsettled but I would not want to go back to what I was as recently as a year ago.
Individuation is scary. When public schooling, culture in general and even the structure of the family direct you into roles you are unaware of how much say you don’t have. Now I’m in a place were I can begin to make decisions on particular situation because I WANT to and not because I have to.
Sure we all make stupid or fucked up decisions from time to time. I feel anyone else reaching the same point I have would agree, any book you have on me should be discarded. I’m not setting out to be a shithead. I can and will still compromise. I will be similar to the person you knew. The difference will mainly be in my head. I will not tolerate a large ammount of nonsense. I will not live in fear. I will not fear myself.
That creepy ass Crowley guy wrote on the will of man. I’m not wanting goats fuck my wife like this dude so don’t think I’m going all out fruitcake on y’all. I do like his thinking here.
“On July 31, 1945, he gave a speech to the Agape Lodge in which he attempted to explain how he felt that The Book of the Law could be made relevant to “modern life.” In this, which was subsequently published under the title of “Doing your Will”, he examined the Thelemite concept of True Will, writing that:
- The mainspring of an individual is his creative Will. This Will is the sum of his tendencies, his destiny, his inner truth. It is one with the force that makes the birds sing and flowers bloom; as inevitable as gravity, as implicit as a bowel movement, it informs alike atoms and men and suns.
- To the man who knows this Will, there is no why or why not, no can or cannot; he IS!
- There is no known force that can turn an apple into an alley cat; there is no known force that can turn a man from his Will. This is the triumph of genius; that, surviving the centuries, enlightens the world.
- This force burns in every man.
He identified four obstacles that prevented humans from achieving and performing their True Will, all of which he connected with fear: the fear of incompetence, the fear of the opinion of others, the fear of hurting others, and the fear of insecurity, but he insisted that these must be overcome. He wrote that “The Will must be freed of its fetters. The ruthless examination and destruction of taboos, complexes, frustrations, dislikes, fears and disgusts hostile to the Will is essential to progress.”
Eventually some sort of consistent version of me will be contructed. All this seemingly manic behavior will fade into patterns. Then you folks will see the true comic guy haha.
It’s as simple as that. Get some.
I had a great time at the first ever Tri-State Comicon this past weekend. James and Eric were great organizers and I’m sure this show will be a must hit convention for creators in the future. Next year I predict! The fans were great and interesting to talk with. I have a few commissions I’ll get out this week as I finish them so if you are on the list you’ll get it soon. Drawing in the hotel rooms sounds like the right thing to do but almost never happens. Too many things to do and too little energy always smash the best laid plans.
Now I am fully behind on my work but it all seems worth it and necessary. I’m sure I picked up a few readers for Game of Thrones. Propagate’n up in hur. Dynamite and Zenescope were nice enough to support the show and fans got a few freebies. That makes me feel good about who I’ve worked for.
I’ll be at the Derby City Con in two weeks then I have to be done for a bit. It causes too much of a strain keeping our book on track. Can’t have that happening!
WVPOP will be later in the year and that looks likely and a week later NYCC. NY is iffy as fuck. It’s expensive. I lost my ass last year. I need to learn how to make money at these things. Wizard World is possible too. A one day drive to Chicago, party, go home. I’ll keep you guys posted.
I love you all. Get some!
I will be at the Tri-State Comic Con this weekend. Stop by and say hello. Follow @TriconWV for more info. Table 32 I believe.
What fuels you?
I’m fortunate that I can operate angry. I’m not sure why but when I get angry I get focused. Recently, throughout the day my rage bubbles up and I channel it into a page.
I haven’t had anger management issues since high school. It’s like trying to hold three beach balls under water at the same time. Right now rage is my fuel. I take it out on art, lifting weights and playing basketball and still have three quarters of a tank left at the end of the day.
If you find yourself with too much emotion in some form or another, try and benefit from it. 90% of stats or made up (or something like that) but my shooting percentage after a hard foul is around 80%.
Would you rather have hole in the wall or a badass drawing? 2012 YOU DECIDE!
It’s as simple as that. Get some!
I thought I might add Pantera’s “Mouth for War” because it’s a whole fucking song describing what I was trying to say in this post.
Revenge I’m screaming revenge again Wrong I’ve been wrong for far too long Been constantly so frustrated I’ve moved mountains with less When I channel my hate to productive I don’t find it hard to impress
[Chorus] Bones in traction Hands break to hone raw energy Bold and disastrous My ears can’t hear what you say to me Hold your mouth for the war Use it for what isn’t for Speak the truth about me Determined
Possessed I feel a conquering will down inside me Strength The strength of many to crush Who might stop me My strength is in number And my soul lies in every one The releasing of anger can better any medicine under the sun
There comes a time within everyone to close your eyes to What’s real No comprehension to fail I vacuum the wind for my sail Can’t be the rest Let others waste my time Owning success is the bottom line. Like a knife into flesh After life is to death Pulling and punching the rest of duration No one can piss on this determination
“Doubt is an educator.” I don’t know who said it but I like it.
Last week when preview number eight of Game of Thrones went up one panel threw me into a tailspin. I spent and hour looking at the other preview seeing if I matched up. I should have spent that hour or so sketching on why my ego was smashed. One eye on one face did me in and I was toast.
Next time instead of trying to build myself up by tearing others down I should work on my issues. I shouldn’t have to find issues in others art to make myself feel better. Next time my confidence is waning I’ll sketch. Stop and think instead of react.
It’s as simple as that. Get some.